A Pearl Jam Fan’s Guide To Talking Trash

Jan 6th, 2012 by Nicholas Pell in Personal

Yesterday I made some Pearl Jam fans angry by criticizing their favorite band. What followed was a torrent of profanity-laden, homophobic, violent insults. Gee, guys. Way to make yourselves look awesome. In any event, I figured I’d make this handy little FAQ for people looking to send me hate mail.

U PROBABLY LIEK JUSTIN BEYBER / NICKLEBACK / CREDE

I actually don’t think J. Bieb is half bad, but I wouldn’t say I “like” him. As far as Nickelback and Creed go, why would I listen to a shitty version of a band I already hate? Think, people, think.

WELL WUT DO U LIEK THEN GAY LOSER LOL

Here’s a link to my Last.fm page. Feel free to mock all my favorite bands. See how many fucks I give.

UR JUST MAD BECUZ YR BALD

I have insane amounts of thick, blond hair. I often get compliments on how lovely it is.

LOL YR HAT IS DUMB

The trilby is a timeless classic. I am often stopped on the street by fashionable strangers who wish to compliment me on my overall swag, but specifically my ace stingy trilby.

STONE GOSSARD’S NAME ISN’T DOUCHEY YRS IS

Well crafted, sport!

PJ SOLD SO MANY RECORDS SO THAT MEANS THEY’RE GOOD

Lolno.

Anyway, I hope this has been helpful and informative for all.

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